The Person Who You Have The Least In Common With

Years ago, I had a friend who went to an interpersonal skills workshop.  Each participant began by giving a short bio statement.  Then the instructor asked each participant to pair up with the person who they thought they had the least in common with.  My friend told me that he paired up with another guy who he never would have approached on his own.  However when they did the paired exercises, he learned a great deal about himself and connected with the other person.  The instructor said that people have the most to learn from people the least like themselves.

Last weekend at the Bend Film Festival, I mostly worked with Jeff who was the film festival venue manager for the CTC.  I thought he was great.  He had a relaxed laid back manner, yet was very organized and thorough.  He let the volunteers know what was expected of them and what the other volunteers were doing.  Furthermore, he let us know how we could help the venue (CTC).  It created a relaxed, fun, efficient atmosphere.

On the last night, Jeff’s shift ended and they brought in another venue manager.  She was just about as different from Jeff as could be.  I immediately thought she presented herself as a brash, hyper  New Yorker.  (Note she grew up in British Columbia and moved to Bend 20+ years ago.)  

She immediately let us know how things were going to be done.  I objected and got into a small spat with her. It has been working really well, her new way was not going to be good for CTC.  She let me know that she did not care what I thought, she had made a decision on how it was going to be done.  I can’t speak for the other volunteers, but I tensed up.  It was confusing which volunteers would be doing what.  In the end, it worked out, but it was not nearly as enjoyable.

I want to inject here that I don’t believe that there is a single best management or leadership style.  It really needs to fit with the leader's personality.  It would be a disaster to ask her to lead like Jeff or to ask Jeff to lead like her.   I feel that her management style could be very effective in the right environment.

What did I learn from working with a person least like me?  First I should not have objected to her way of doing things.  Especially in front of other volunteers.  I am sure she saw it as challenging her authority.  It was pretty obvious that she had a way of doing things and I should have just backed down and gone with the flow.

Secondly, I learned that I do not like to work with her management style.  It would have been pretty miserable if I had to work with her all three days.  But who knows, maybe I would have learned to work with it.  Maybe I would have found a way to enjoy myself anyway.  At one point, I just did something that I thought needed to be done, even though she said that I didn’t need to do it.  She saw me do it and did not object.  Also, one time she asked my opinion on something, liked my idea and went with it.  Maybe we both learned something from this interaction.

It's also true that I would not have learned either lesson by working with Jeff.